So, I've been off assfacebook for the past few weeks and the feelings of peace, clarity, calmness and isolation from people I don't give a shit about are absolutely brilliant. I know I am guilty of being a "user" for the past couple of years. It did allow me to reconnect with old friends and relatives. That's cool but once you reconnect, what then? Life goes on, that's what. So now that I've kicked the habit, I feel I can preach about how stupid it is. I guess I feel that I'm better than the people still on dickfacebook. I am ashamed of myself for being a dirtbagbook member for so long but I'm patting myself on the back now for growing up, getting a life and leaving greenbabycrapbook behind. It did take a few days to get over it though. I would get up in the morning and feel my fingers start to automatically type those 8magical words into google that would open up a world of addictive, meaningless bullshit for another day. But a few days on the wagon was all it took to kick it.
The euphoric sensation of being removed from shitbook far outweighed the.......
-self glorification and bragging from my friends about tests, jobs, kids I never fucking met, fitness classes, trips, breakups, hook-ups, etc...
-the sickening, vomit-inducing pleads for sympathy (ie. status update - I don't feel good tonight. reply - ahhh, hope you feel better sweetums)
-pics of parties with really cool people that i will never be cool enough to share the same room with
-fucking farmville updates
-poker scores (that's awsome joey, good work. now see if you can stay inside the lines when you color the red barn)
-pics of new toys that my toejambook friends purchased (you make money and buy things...wow, that is so awsome.)
-pics of home renos.....does anyone really give a shit besides their mother? Really?
-useless mucusbook groups that are created for a cause and hepatitisbook friends sign up as supporters and whine about the cause but never actually take action for the cause
-bungholebook friends fighting with each other publicly thru typing instead of doing it the old fashioned way
-infuriating bastards who type one or two words and then see what kind of reaction they get from their snotbook friends because they are desperate for attention and if they get a dozen or more responses, they feel like they acutally serve a purpose in life and their existence is therefore justified (ie. status update from infuriating bastard- should I? reply from infuriating bastard's infuriating pissbook friend- damn straight girl, go for it!)
-disturbing pics of youngsters with not much on
-even more disturbing pics of adults with not much on
-the oh-so poignant, witty philosophies on life
-the updates on what was eaten for dinner and the ensuing texture of the bowel movement afterwards
-assholes who have 800 afterbirthbook friends because they want to be as popular as Jesus. Try this test, superstar. Leave facebook without telling anyone. Wait a week and see how many of your "friends" notice your absence. See? You weren't Jesus afterall. Your diarrheabook friends were too busy playing online poker in an inappropriate outfit that shows their age while bragging about their new car and the great dinner they just cooked and the great crap they just shat out, posting pics of their wild night downtown, giving their uneducated, laughable opinions on world events, arguing with a "friend" about which twit on Grey's Anatomy is sexier, whilst sharing some redneck shit country song on their status for all the world to hate, joining a group with a cause that won't do jack shit, adding friends at a rate of 20 per day because they were ignored as a child and...
above all...
pissing their life away.
I feel comfortable in saying all this because my real friends aren't offended, they understand my caustic ways. Those that are offended don't matter. I've come to realize thru chronichalitosisbook that a real friend and a maggotbook friend are two totally different things and too many idiots can't tell the difference. That's why they are still on there, playing fucking farmville and posting one liners.
