This is a pretty straightforward topic so i don't think an introduction or explanation is necessary. Let's jump right in shall we?
1. Looking for a coaster so you won't ruin that fine coffee table? How about a little frisbee for your teacup maltipoo? Try U2's latest CD.
2. If you are trying to ditch a girl but don't know how to do it without breaking her heart, put on Journey's greatest hits the next time things are starting to heat up. You'll have a floppy penis in no time and then you can tell her you are impotent. She'll run like the wind.
3. Corona - this is a great windshield wash for your car. A six pack should take care of two compact vehicles. Excellent on hardwood too....a doz box will have the deck of your boat sparkling. The first idiot north american tourist to ever visit mexico came back and told everyone that corona was a beer. It is not a beer. The Mexicans don't go near it and neither should you.
4. If you are ever in a situation where you have a member of Jihad held captive and you are intent in finding out Bin Laden's whereabouts, bound him/her and put in a white room. Install high quality Bose speakers in all 4 corners and play "Still haven't met you yet" by Michael Buble continuously. He/she should crack inside of an hour. But if he/she is a real hardened, suicidal motherf&^%er, drag in Lady Gaga and threaten to rip her mask and hat off. He/she will be chirping like a bird.
5. As we all know, every bag of party mix contains 4.5 lbs of pretzels. No one likes pretzels. No one likes wood chips with road salt glued on. Have some respect for your stomach. You can get enough from 3 bags of party mix to build an entertainment unit for the old flatscreen. Give your rec room an exotic look that all your neighbors will be envious over.
6. If you have a big ultimate fighting championship coming up and are trying to get in a vicious mood, log on to facebook and read some of the stupid shit that your friends are putting in their status updates. A few minutes of scrolling should get you blind with anger and prepared to give your opponent a royal snot kicking.
7. Landfill is needed by many people for a variety of reasons. Could be a contractor building a commercials structure. could be a homeowner doing some garden work. whatever the reason, your cheapest and safest bet is a trip to the elctronics department at XScargo. These products surely won't work but damn, they are cheap and can fill a hole.
8. Are you a Rogers cellphone owner? You sorry sorry bastard. No reception if you leave St. John's, drive under the shadow of a light pole, go to the mall, turn left in your car or come within 10 meters of a duck crossing? Well, all is not lost. Get 4phones for the 3 yr contract and simply use them as break pads on your car. comes out to about the same price overall....maybe even a savings.
9. Purity hardtack bread - oh my.....where to start with this one.....well, if it's used dry, you can tie 4 pieces on to 4 corners of a fishing net, head to middle cove beach during caplin season and give 'er. If sanded down properly, they make great floor protectors under the legs of your sofa. If it's used wet, they make a good dental mold for your child's braces. Or you can just throw a wet slab at your living room wall and then mount that family portrait.
10. If you have some built up anger that you need to release in a healthy manner, grab a baseball bat, matches, lighter fluid and $100 and head out on a sunday afternoon. Find a yard sale (ie. "I need to get rid of all my useless shit and hopefully an idiot will come by and pay for it" sale) Offer the home owner the $100 for everything. Since everything in the garden is worth about $7.50, he'll start drooling and take your cash. Then, take the bat and beat the shit out of everything......the rusty easy bake oven with all the essential parts missing, the cheesy wooden "home sweet home" sign, the King Ralph video cassette, the Big Wheels with only two wheels, the computer monitor from Radio Shack. Put a vicious beating on all of it. Then take the lighter fluid and matches and burn the 1994 People magazine with Luke Perry on the cover, the musty toilet paper doilies and the Harlequin Romances with the wrinkly yellow pages. You are feeling much better now so throw the guy another 20 for cleaning costs.
If you feel this blog is a crappy product....here's another use....print it off...roll it up....you can fill in the rest.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
customer appreciation
This entry is a simple letter of thanks to all those that have shown me excellent customer service over the years. I felt it appropriate to dedicate a blog entry to you all for enriching my life. You should get a tissue before reading on, as the sarcasm may drip on to your keyboard.
- thank you to the folks at Costco for not accepting credit cards. Much love to these ma and pa organizations that cannot afford the monthly fees associated with providing credit card service for their customers. Keep up the good fight, one day you'll make it. i know it is tough running a small business for the first couple of years but stay strong and determined...it'll come.
- thanks to Tim's for a number of things....not providing debit card service is one. Forcing your hard working customers to dig up change every time they want a $1.50 coffee is so old school and I love it. Thanks also for totally ignoring me when i actually come in to your establishment for a purchase instead of sitting on my lazy fat ass in the drive thru for 45 minutes. I think I now know how it feels to be on the lower end of a caste system in a 3rd world country. You have made me really appreciate the country I live in. Thanks also to Tim's for taking absolutley no accountability for the dangerous traffic jams caused by your drive thrus. I try to live by the philosophy of "ignore something long enough and hopefully it'll go away". I also have found exciting and interesting ways to get to work in order to avoid the grid lock you create every morning. There's a lot of cool little streets of St. John's i never knew existed so thanks.
- hats off to the corner store on Forest Rd. for charging an extra 48 cents on my debit if the purchase is under $5. This revenue generating creativity is 2nd to none. when it comes to $, who gives a shit about customers anyway? Really.
- much obliged to the girl at McDonalds drive thru. When I bought a happy meal for my niece once and asked what the prize of the week was, and she said "look in the bag and see for yourself", that really taught me to be resourceful and get out there and live my life instead of expecting everything to come to me. Thanks McDonalds girl, i won't forget you.
- my indebtedness to City Tire for selling me four winter tires for $270, two of which had 3 inch slashes in them. I learned to drive really well that first week i had them on.... the kind of driving that feels like you are driving down a flight of stairs....all the time. Now I can tackle any kind of discomfort in a car. I can fall alseep driving on a dirt road thru the mountains of Bolivia that has just been flattened by a rock slide in 45 degree temperatures with a dozen chickens cawk cawk cawking next to me and traditional latino music on crank with guerilla fighters shooting at me thru the trees. And not responding to my letter of complaint showed me that complaint letters are usually a waste of time if the product sucks. Thanks also for the most ironic mission statement on the planet.....i won't state it verbatim but it includes such buzz words as safety, quality, committment, etc....hilarious.
- much appreciation to atlantic lotto for sucking the paychecks out of thoudsands of newfoundlanders every Friday night and then not having the decency to install quality printers and computers that can tell people if they won on saturday morning. Tough love keeps them coming back, keep up the great work.
- thanks to the realtors in our "have" province for pumping the price of real estate thru the stratosphere, (all based on fictional reasons), and preventing lower income families from ever enjoying a home of their own. Atta way to keep out the undesirables! Good on ya!
- a sincere thank you to Air Canada for keeping me on hold for 90 minutes when my dad was dying because they wanted to confirm he was on his deathbed before selling me a family tragedy discount flight home from Alberta. That was the longest 90 minutes of my life so i thank you for extending my life a little more than it would otherwise have been. Life's so short, you guys helped lengthen it for me.
- thumbs up to the hundreds of convenience stores which are nothing more than gambling dens for all the addicts in our province. Even addicts need a place to call home and you have provided that tenfold. Everyone else has to suffer thru long lineups while they scratch and scratch and scratch but since you are doing it all from the goodness of your heart....thank you for your compassion.
- thanks to Shoppers Drug Mart for having monster sales on pepsi every 3rd day. Even though the lineups extend to the back of the store so i have no chance in hell of buying a birthday card in under 2 hrs and even though the incidents of obesity, heart disease and diabetes skyrocket during these epic sales......not sure what my point is on this one, sorry.
- thanks to Capital Hyundai for giving us a loner with an empty tank. (after failing to fix a problem in my wife's car 3 times) If it wasn't for this episode, who knows...maybe she'd still be driving a shitbox.
- thanks to the cashier lady at Marie's for letting everyone know in the store that her beautiful son got off on the assault charges. What would have been just a boring stop for a bag of chips turned into a hilarious story which I shared with my family and friends. I'll be back for more gossip, my dear.
- thanks to the local radio stations for bending over and taking it up the ass from CRTC for the past 50 yrs. Just imagine if you were born in america....you'd never have had the pleasure of hearing such stellar acts as Gowan, Frozen Ghost, Renee Simard, Trooper, Gino Vanelli, Sheriff, The Box, Candi, Parachute Club, Doug and the Slugs.......fingers are getting tired, must move on. you get the point right?
- 3 cheers to all the major food corporations for charging twice as much for healthy food. That's the way it should be....only the rich should be healthy. Afterall, if the poor are healthy, they may actually feel better about themselves, get stronger, rise up and want to take back control of their country. We can't have that, can we? Keep them addicted to cheap vienna sausages and pepsi and everything will be fine.
- thank you to Sears for advertising a 32 inch HD tv for $299, taking my visa, charging it, calling me back a week later to say that it wasn't available and then expecting me to wait 60 days to get the visa charge reversed. This opened my eyes to how corporations make their budget numbers in a soft quarter. Thanks, i'll remember that creative accounting trick when I open a shitty, overpriced, messy, understaffed retail store.
- thank you to actors who have sold out for a quick paycheck...Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman and Bradley Cooper are just a few of the quiffs who fall into this category. They started out with promising careers in quality movies but the lure of Jennifer Aniston's bed and the wonderful world of chick flicks was too much for them. These guys have taught me that making $ is far more important than taking pride in your work. Keep at it guys, you are almost in the upper echelon of legendary actors actors like Patrick Dempsey and Hugh Grant. Just one or two more pathetic films and you'll go down in history as complete tools. (you'll be rich though, so that's cool)
- thank you to the fine folks at Dominion. What do i get for being a loyal customer and showing up as soon as the place opens on Saturday morning? I get no cashier. i get to check my own groceries thru a system that doesn't work 90% of the time. As a result, i'll sleep in a bit later and go when it's crazy busy. thank you for giving me a reason to sleep my saturday morning away. i'm sure I'll feel well rested because of your cost saving measures.
- thank you to our opposition leaders, past and present. (we pay all of the politicians' handsome salaries thru our taxes so yes, it does fall under customer appreciation) You have shown me that a dream job does exist.....getting paid to do absolutely nothing but travel and criticize others' actions. These are among my very favorite things to do and getting paid for it would be sweet. I wanna be one when i grow up.
So to all the fine people above (and oh so many more which i don't have the time or inclination to mention) that have helped shape and guide me thru my life thus far...i thank you. The experiences have been unforgettable, the lessons invaluable.
- thank you to the folks at Costco for not accepting credit cards. Much love to these ma and pa organizations that cannot afford the monthly fees associated with providing credit card service for their customers. Keep up the good fight, one day you'll make it. i know it is tough running a small business for the first couple of years but stay strong and determined...it'll come.
- thanks to Tim's for a number of things....not providing debit card service is one. Forcing your hard working customers to dig up change every time they want a $1.50 coffee is so old school and I love it. Thanks also for totally ignoring me when i actually come in to your establishment for a purchase instead of sitting on my lazy fat ass in the drive thru for 45 minutes. I think I now know how it feels to be on the lower end of a caste system in a 3rd world country. You have made me really appreciate the country I live in. Thanks also to Tim's for taking absolutley no accountability for the dangerous traffic jams caused by your drive thrus. I try to live by the philosophy of "ignore something long enough and hopefully it'll go away". I also have found exciting and interesting ways to get to work in order to avoid the grid lock you create every morning. There's a lot of cool little streets of St. John's i never knew existed so thanks.
- hats off to the corner store on Forest Rd. for charging an extra 48 cents on my debit if the purchase is under $5. This revenue generating creativity is 2nd to none. when it comes to $, who gives a shit about customers anyway? Really.
- much obliged to the girl at McDonalds drive thru. When I bought a happy meal for my niece once and asked what the prize of the week was, and she said "look in the bag and see for yourself", that really taught me to be resourceful and get out there and live my life instead of expecting everything to come to me. Thanks McDonalds girl, i won't forget you.
- my indebtedness to City Tire for selling me four winter tires for $270, two of which had 3 inch slashes in them. I learned to drive really well that first week i had them on.... the kind of driving that feels like you are driving down a flight of stairs....all the time. Now I can tackle any kind of discomfort in a car. I can fall alseep driving on a dirt road thru the mountains of Bolivia that has just been flattened by a rock slide in 45 degree temperatures with a dozen chickens cawk cawk cawking next to me and traditional latino music on crank with guerilla fighters shooting at me thru the trees. And not responding to my letter of complaint showed me that complaint letters are usually a waste of time if the product sucks. Thanks also for the most ironic mission statement on the planet.....i won't state it verbatim but it includes such buzz words as safety, quality, committment, etc....hilarious.
- much appreciation to atlantic lotto for sucking the paychecks out of thoudsands of newfoundlanders every Friday night and then not having the decency to install quality printers and computers that can tell people if they won on saturday morning. Tough love keeps them coming back, keep up the great work.
- thanks to the realtors in our "have" province for pumping the price of real estate thru the stratosphere, (all based on fictional reasons), and preventing lower income families from ever enjoying a home of their own. Atta way to keep out the undesirables! Good on ya!
- a sincere thank you to Air Canada for keeping me on hold for 90 minutes when my dad was dying because they wanted to confirm he was on his deathbed before selling me a family tragedy discount flight home from Alberta. That was the longest 90 minutes of my life so i thank you for extending my life a little more than it would otherwise have been. Life's so short, you guys helped lengthen it for me.
- thumbs up to the hundreds of convenience stores which are nothing more than gambling dens for all the addicts in our province. Even addicts need a place to call home and you have provided that tenfold. Everyone else has to suffer thru long lineups while they scratch and scratch and scratch but since you are doing it all from the goodness of your heart....thank you for your compassion.
- thanks to Shoppers Drug Mart for having monster sales on pepsi every 3rd day. Even though the lineups extend to the back of the store so i have no chance in hell of buying a birthday card in under 2 hrs and even though the incidents of obesity, heart disease and diabetes skyrocket during these epic sales......not sure what my point is on this one, sorry.
- thanks to Capital Hyundai for giving us a loner with an empty tank. (after failing to fix a problem in my wife's car 3 times) If it wasn't for this episode, who knows...maybe she'd still be driving a shitbox.
- thanks to the cashier lady at Marie's for letting everyone know in the store that her beautiful son got off on the assault charges. What would have been just a boring stop for a bag of chips turned into a hilarious story which I shared with my family and friends. I'll be back for more gossip, my dear.
- thanks to the local radio stations for bending over and taking it up the ass from CRTC for the past 50 yrs. Just imagine if you were born in america....you'd never have had the pleasure of hearing such stellar acts as Gowan, Frozen Ghost, Renee Simard, Trooper, Gino Vanelli, Sheriff, The Box, Candi, Parachute Club, Doug and the Slugs.......fingers are getting tired, must move on. you get the point right?
- 3 cheers to all the major food corporations for charging twice as much for healthy food. That's the way it should be....only the rich should be healthy. Afterall, if the poor are healthy, they may actually feel better about themselves, get stronger, rise up and want to take back control of their country. We can't have that, can we? Keep them addicted to cheap vienna sausages and pepsi and everything will be fine.
- thank you to Sears for advertising a 32 inch HD tv for $299, taking my visa, charging it, calling me back a week later to say that it wasn't available and then expecting me to wait 60 days to get the visa charge reversed. This opened my eyes to how corporations make their budget numbers in a soft quarter. Thanks, i'll remember that creative accounting trick when I open a shitty, overpriced, messy, understaffed retail store.
- thank you to actors who have sold out for a quick paycheck...Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman and Bradley Cooper are just a few of the quiffs who fall into this category. They started out with promising careers in quality movies but the lure of Jennifer Aniston's bed and the wonderful world of chick flicks was too much for them. These guys have taught me that making $ is far more important than taking pride in your work. Keep at it guys, you are almost in the upper echelon of legendary actors actors like Patrick Dempsey and Hugh Grant. Just one or two more pathetic films and you'll go down in history as complete tools. (you'll be rich though, so that's cool)
- thank you to the fine folks at Dominion. What do i get for being a loyal customer and showing up as soon as the place opens on Saturday morning? I get no cashier. i get to check my own groceries thru a system that doesn't work 90% of the time. As a result, i'll sleep in a bit later and go when it's crazy busy. thank you for giving me a reason to sleep my saturday morning away. i'm sure I'll feel well rested because of your cost saving measures.
- thank you to our opposition leaders, past and present. (we pay all of the politicians' handsome salaries thru our taxes so yes, it does fall under customer appreciation) You have shown me that a dream job does exist.....getting paid to do absolutely nothing but travel and criticize others' actions. These are among my very favorite things to do and getting paid for it would be sweet. I wanna be one when i grow up.
So to all the fine people above (and oh so many more which i don't have the time or inclination to mention) that have helped shape and guide me thru my life thus far...i thank you. The experiences have been unforgettable, the lessons invaluable.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
stupid drivers
This one may take a while. I don't want to bore you all with a lenghty entry (as there are so many stupid drivers to bitch about in NL) so i figured point form would be more convenient for your reading pleasure. This is just a partial list of opinions, observations, advice, threats, etc...for the idiots on the road that put my life in jeopardy every day. Here goes.....
1. If the driver cannot speak to the passenger without looking straight at him for the entire conversation and therefore swrving all over the place, doing half the speed limit and almost killing every pedestrian in the vicinity, he/she isn't mentally evolved enough to drive. Pull over, get out, strap a fur cloth around your groin area, grab a stick, bend over and start walking.
2. the brotherhood/solidarity that cabbies display by stopping in the middle of a 4 lane highway at rush hour to give each other a brake is absolutley touching. It is a wonderful display of affection and it has almost brought me to tears on occasion. But it is stupid...Peter Griffin stupid.
3. Motorcylists who wave at each other is one the gayer things I have witnessed in life so far. I am considering starting a group of automobilers who wave at each other when they pass on the road too. ("hey there, you drive a car too, that's pretty cool. Thumbs up on owning a car dude ") Then and only then will motrocyclists realize how gay it looks.
4. If you have spent 45 minutes in the Tim Horton's morning lineup because you are too lazy to drag your ass inside, and then try to get back on the main road and you are frustrated, furious and panicked because no one will give you a break and you'll be late for work, that is the opportune time to reflect on what you've been doing for the past 45 minutes and whose fault it is that you are late.
5. if you catch yourself behind any of the following groups of drivers, just slit your wrists and get it over with....
a. left arm bandits - middle-aged men who hang their left arm dangling down the outside of the car door with a lit cigarette. They obey none of the traffic rules and will quickly lead you to insanity if caught behind.
b. right side cruisers - any age but usually male. they tend to lean to the right (ppossbily from a middle ear infection) with their left arm resting on the elbow rest. Easy to pick out if you are behind as their head is stiking out from the right side of the seat instead of over. Similar to the left arm bandits but with an attitude. Common symptoms are erratic speeds, failure to stop at stop signs, no use of indicators or headlights. Usually listening to shitty music.
c. out of towners - lost, looking for a specific address, no idea what is behind them. Be prepared for incessant blinkage, constant brake lights and sharp violent turns at the last minute without indicator.
d. headless wonder - you can't see a head peeking out over the seat or to the side? Prepare to max out at 20 km/hr.
6. Still alive? Congratulations, let's move on. The 4-way stop rule is really very simple. It does not go in a clockwise or counter-clockwise direction. It goes by first come, first served. Eg. if I follow the driver in front of me thru a 4 way stop sign because no one else is around except you, who are coming from another direction but are still .5 km away, don't shake your fist at me. Take that fist and pop it on the bridge of your nose, hard enough to make your eyes water. That pain should remind you of proper 4 way stop etiquette in the future.
7. if you are going 20 km/hr and i am right up your ass, it is not because I like you. It is because I hate you..not as a person, I just hate you in every other way. And when you finally turn off on a side street, don't give me a dirty look because it hurts my feelings.
8. I'll finish off with the Mt. Pearlers who are so proud of the snow removal from their city streets in the winter. You live in a flat, square, grid design town. You do not have Prescott St., you do not have Rawlin's Cross, you do not have one ways, you do not have row housing with no parking, you do not have Church Hill. Give me one of your plows and I'll teach my 2 yr. old maltipoo to clear your town in a 4 hr shift.
That's it for tonight folks. Drive safely.
1. If the driver cannot speak to the passenger without looking straight at him for the entire conversation and therefore swrving all over the place, doing half the speed limit and almost killing every pedestrian in the vicinity, he/she isn't mentally evolved enough to drive. Pull over, get out, strap a fur cloth around your groin area, grab a stick, bend over and start walking.
2. the brotherhood/solidarity that cabbies display by stopping in the middle of a 4 lane highway at rush hour to give each other a brake is absolutley touching. It is a wonderful display of affection and it has almost brought me to tears on occasion. But it is stupid...Peter Griffin stupid.
3. Motorcylists who wave at each other is one the gayer things I have witnessed in life so far. I am considering starting a group of automobilers who wave at each other when they pass on the road too. ("hey there, you drive a car too, that's pretty cool. Thumbs up on owning a car dude ") Then and only then will motrocyclists realize how gay it looks.
4. If you have spent 45 minutes in the Tim Horton's morning lineup because you are too lazy to drag your ass inside, and then try to get back on the main road and you are frustrated, furious and panicked because no one will give you a break and you'll be late for work, that is the opportune time to reflect on what you've been doing for the past 45 minutes and whose fault it is that you are late.
5. if you catch yourself behind any of the following groups of drivers, just slit your wrists and get it over with....
a. left arm bandits - middle-aged men who hang their left arm dangling down the outside of the car door with a lit cigarette. They obey none of the traffic rules and will quickly lead you to insanity if caught behind.
b. right side cruisers - any age but usually male. they tend to lean to the right (ppossbily from a middle ear infection) with their left arm resting on the elbow rest. Easy to pick out if you are behind as their head is stiking out from the right side of the seat instead of over. Similar to the left arm bandits but with an attitude. Common symptoms are erratic speeds, failure to stop at stop signs, no use of indicators or headlights. Usually listening to shitty music.
c. out of towners - lost, looking for a specific address, no idea what is behind them. Be prepared for incessant blinkage, constant brake lights and sharp violent turns at the last minute without indicator.
d. headless wonder - you can't see a head peeking out over the seat or to the side? Prepare to max out at 20 km/hr.
6. Still alive? Congratulations, let's move on. The 4-way stop rule is really very simple. It does not go in a clockwise or counter-clockwise direction. It goes by first come, first served. Eg. if I follow the driver in front of me thru a 4 way stop sign because no one else is around except you, who are coming from another direction but are still .5 km away, don't shake your fist at me. Take that fist and pop it on the bridge of your nose, hard enough to make your eyes water. That pain should remind you of proper 4 way stop etiquette in the future.
7. if you are going 20 km/hr and i am right up your ass, it is not because I like you. It is because I hate you..not as a person, I just hate you in every other way. And when you finally turn off on a side street, don't give me a dirty look because it hurts my feelings.
8. I'll finish off with the Mt. Pearlers who are so proud of the snow removal from their city streets in the winter. You live in a flat, square, grid design town. You do not have Prescott St., you do not have Rawlin's Cross, you do not have one ways, you do not have row housing with no parking, you do not have Church Hill. Give me one of your plows and I'll teach my 2 yr. old maltipoo to clear your town in a 4 hr shift.
That's it for tonight folks. Drive safely.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
nikelback...who else?
This is my first post on my blogsite so it needed to be special. My wife and stepdaugther set it up for me because I needed somewhere to rant about stuff that pisses me off. So, where do I start? Tim horton's drive thruers? Racial profiling mayors? Marathoners that block off my street on a Saturday morning and try to prevent me from having a life? Gambling degenerates that save up 5 months of lotto tickets and then get them all checked when I try to buy the newspaper?
There is a whole plethora of stuff to vent about....but the obvious first choice is Nikelback.
Nikelback.....even the way it is spelled pisses me off. "let's leave out the c so it gives our band a harder edge. Yeah! That's cool! Let's SO do it." When I hear the Jesus Christ wannabe sing, I need to go to the bathroom and snort some dristan nasal mist. His nasal passage is so blocked with phlegm, his lyrics are almost discernible. (which is a good thing because most of their songs are just a senseless listing of cliches. Most of today's song writers need google to apply their trade....especially western Canadian redneck rock bands) And the best part about the "best Canada has to offer" is that they have now turned country. Just like their shitty idols, Bon Jovi. But what i should keep in mind is that you can really find and appreciate good music by all the shit that surrounds it. The Cult really stood out as a great 80's band because they were in the company of Journey. Pearl Jam were great in the 90's because they had to rub elbows with Matchbox 20. And Nikleback licked the dogshit off the White Stripes shoes for the past decade. Thanks Nikleback, you did serve a purpose afterall.....can't figure out the purpose of your fans though.
There is a whole plethora of stuff to vent about....but the obvious first choice is Nikelback.
Nikelback.....even the way it is spelled pisses me off. "let's leave out the c so it gives our band a harder edge. Yeah! That's cool! Let's SO do it." When I hear the Jesus Christ wannabe sing, I need to go to the bathroom and snort some dristan nasal mist. His nasal passage is so blocked with phlegm, his lyrics are almost discernible. (which is a good thing because most of their songs are just a senseless listing of cliches. Most of today's song writers need google to apply their trade....especially western Canadian redneck rock bands) And the best part about the "best Canada has to offer" is that they have now turned country. Just like their shitty idols, Bon Jovi. But what i should keep in mind is that you can really find and appreciate good music by all the shit that surrounds it. The Cult really stood out as a great 80's band because they were in the company of Journey. Pearl Jam were great in the 90's because they had to rub elbows with Matchbox 20. And Nikleback licked the dogshit off the White Stripes shoes for the past decade. Thanks Nikleback, you did serve a purpose afterall.....can't figure out the purpose of your fans though.
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