This is a pretty straightforward topic so i don't think an introduction or explanation is necessary. Let's jump right in shall we?
1. Looking for a coaster so you won't ruin that fine coffee table? How about a little frisbee for your teacup maltipoo? Try U2's latest CD.
2. If you are trying to ditch a girl but don't know how to do it without breaking her heart, put on Journey's greatest hits the next time things are starting to heat up. You'll have a floppy penis in no time and then you can tell her you are impotent. She'll run like the wind.
3. Corona - this is a great windshield wash for your car. A six pack should take care of two compact vehicles. Excellent on hardwood too....a doz box will have the deck of your boat sparkling. The first idiot north american tourist to ever visit mexico came back and told everyone that corona was a beer. It is not a beer. The Mexicans don't go near it and neither should you.
4. If you are ever in a situation where you have a member of Jihad held captive and you are intent in finding out Bin Laden's whereabouts, bound him/her and put in a white room. Install high quality Bose speakers in all 4 corners and play "Still haven't met you yet" by Michael Buble continuously. He/she should crack inside of an hour. But if he/she is a real hardened, suicidal motherf&^%er, drag in Lady Gaga and threaten to rip her mask and hat off. He/she will be chirping like a bird.
5. As we all know, every bag of party mix contains 4.5 lbs of pretzels. No one likes pretzels. No one likes wood chips with road salt glued on. Have some respect for your stomach. You can get enough from 3 bags of party mix to build an entertainment unit for the old flatscreen. Give your rec room an exotic look that all your neighbors will be envious over.
6. If you have a big ultimate fighting championship coming up and are trying to get in a vicious mood, log on to facebook and read some of the stupid shit that your friends are putting in their status updates. A few minutes of scrolling should get you blind with anger and prepared to give your opponent a royal snot kicking.
7. Landfill is needed by many people for a variety of reasons. Could be a contractor building a commercials structure. could be a homeowner doing some garden work. whatever the reason, your cheapest and safest bet is a trip to the elctronics department at XScargo. These products surely won't work but damn, they are cheap and can fill a hole.
8. Are you a Rogers cellphone owner? You sorry sorry bastard. No reception if you leave St. John's, drive under the shadow of a light pole, go to the mall, turn left in your car or come within 10 meters of a duck crossing? Well, all is not lost. Get 4phones for the 3 yr contract and simply use them as break pads on your car. comes out to about the same price overall....maybe even a savings.
9. Purity hardtack bread - oh my.....where to start with this one.....well, if it's used dry, you can tie 4 pieces on to 4 corners of a fishing net, head to middle cove beach during caplin season and give 'er. If sanded down properly, they make great floor protectors under the legs of your sofa. If it's used wet, they make a good dental mold for your child's braces. Or you can just throw a wet slab at your living room wall and then mount that family portrait.
10. If you have some built up anger that you need to release in a healthy manner, grab a baseball bat, matches, lighter fluid and $100 and head out on a sunday afternoon. Find a yard sale (ie. "I need to get rid of all my useless shit and hopefully an idiot will come by and pay for it" sale) Offer the home owner the $100 for everything. Since everything in the garden is worth about $7.50, he'll start drooling and take your cash. Then, take the bat and beat the shit out of everything......the rusty easy bake oven with all the essential parts missing, the cheesy wooden "home sweet home" sign, the King Ralph video cassette, the Big Wheels with only two wheels, the computer monitor from Radio Shack. Put a vicious beating on all of it. Then take the lighter fluid and matches and burn the 1994 People magazine with Luke Perry on the cover, the musty toilet paper doilies and the Harlequin Romances with the wrinkly yellow pages. You are feeling much better now so throw the guy another 20 for cleaning costs.
If you feel this blog is a crappy product....here's another use....print it off...roll it up....you can fill in the rest.
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